We will board a plane in one week to fly to Ethiopia. One week. Seriously. I prayed for this month to fly by, and BOY did it ever! And now with one week to go, I have a variety of crazy emotions.
I am SO excited! Just the THOUGHT of me seeing and holding Macy gets me choked up. This is my DAUGHTER. In the many years ahead of us I will watch her grow, learn, go to school, go to prom, get married - the list goes on and on. We have many years of Mommy/Daughter stuff ahead of us. But before any of this happens I am going to meet her in an orphanage on the other side of the world. It's really hard to fathom.
The other major emotion I am feeling is fear. And anxiety. And stress. Okay, so I know that is technically three emotions. But right now I can't really distinguish one from another. I am a basketcase thinking of leaving Aidan, Hannah, and Houston. The "what-ifs" come creeping in on me, and I panic. WHAT IF the plane crashes? WHAT IF something happens to one of them and I am not here? WHAT IF? And yes, they are going to be in PERFECTLY good hands. My mom is the brave soul keeping them, and other than Jason and I, there is no one on Earth who knows them as well as she does. She visits nearly everyday, and knows all of their funny little quirks. And she's sooooo overprotective - so I am not at all worried about their safety. Seriously - she's that kind of grandma that would totally beat the crap out of anyone who looked at her grandbabies wrong. It's US I am worried about. It's flying across the ocean to a region of the world that isn't exactly super-safe right now. (And it doesn't help that my crazy husband keeps talking about terrorist attempts.) Yes, I know my kids are going to be fine. Yes, I know God is in control of it all anyway. I just need some prayer to rest MY soul. I want to be cool, calm, and collected (yeah, right!) when I meet our Macy for the first time.
But what it boils down to is that it doesn't matter how nervous, stressed and anxious I am - in seven days I am going to get on that plane (and then another plane...and then another plane) to fly across the ocean to meet our girl. It just has to be done - it's part of the process. I am counting on God to ease my spirit and calm my fears - because there's no way I can do this without Him.
But isn't that how it's SUPPOSED to be?
One week folks. One week!
Thursday, September 16, 2010
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How exciting! I'm with you. Just experienced all the emotions twice in the last month and a half. It was so hard to leave our kiddos and then to come back leaving part of your heart on the other side of the world. BUT God will pour His peace over you and teach you more about Himself.
ReplyDeleteHe is Sovereign and has called you all to do this. The End. Every time a negative thought came into my mind, I had to say that to myself & I committed some good verses to memory. It's hard, but constant surrender is where He wants you:))) SO excited for you guys.
I am SO excited for you! I felt all of the same emotions when we went to pick up Davis last year. But I didn't have to come back without him. {that was obviously before the process changed and required only 1 trip} Leaving her behind this time is the scariest, most stressful part for me. :(
ReplyDeleteI'm excited to hear all about your trip when you get back and see pictures after you pass court! And hear how court goes so I will know what to expect when it's my turn. :)
Hey Amanda!
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to know I am praying for you and will continue to pray for you as you leave to go meet Macy! I am so excited for you and your family!
Rachael
Hey Amanda!
ReplyDeleteJust wanted you to know that I am praying for you and will continue to pray for you as you go to Ethopia to meet Macy! I am so excited for you and your family! What a life changing journey!!
Rachael