Waiting

We are still at the top of the list...and we still wait. I jump when the phone rings, and each Sunday morning during worship I wonder "Is THIS the week, Lord? Is THIS the week we get THE call and become a family of six?" (Gosh. Six.) And yet, we wait. I handled the wait rather well at first. I mean, heck, I have three kids under the age of five - I have PLENTY to do around here to keep my mind off the fact that my daughter is on the other side of the world. Wondering if she's hungry. Wondering if she's healthy. Wondering if anyone hugged her today. Wondering if SHE is sick of waiting for someone to come and get her.

I don't really know how to describe "the WAIT". I know people probably just think I am silly. The only way I can describe it is that it is the same feeling I have when I am away from Aidan, Hannah or Houston for an extended period. And emotional memories of me having to leave Hannah in the NICU come racing back. I ACHED to be with her, just as I now ache to be with Macy. It's hard that I KNOW she has been born, and is over there. It's not like, "Oh, I wonder if she's been born yet?" Because of our age request, I know our little girl is over there. And I wonder about her during the day, and look at the little clock on the side of this blog wondering if she's sleeping, eating, playing? It's so hard for this momma to not KNOW how her daughter is. At least with Hannah I knew she was getting the best possible care in the hospital and I could still visit her twice a day until I brought her home to be a part of our family.

All along I have been telling myself, and others, "God is just waiting to get Macy perfectly ready for us. He is working things in Ethiopia in HIS timing." But then the other day I heard this song (that should be playing on this blog right now). It's one of my faves, and I have heard it many times. Of course, now it makes me cry my eyes out every time I hear it. But the other day, as I listened between the tears (driving down the road, mind you) I wondered what if He is making ME ready. What if I am not the one "in line" for this to happen yet. Is my heart where it needs to be? Yes, I think so. Am I ready to be a mom of four little ones? Gosh, I hope so. As ready as I ever will be, I guess.

So now as I listen to this song, I not only pray for Macy to be ready, but for the One who created her to make ME, her mother, ready. Prepare my heart, oh God. Prepare our home. Prepare her Daddy and brothers and sister. Prepare US for her, as she, I am sure, is waiting for us too.